Second Endings

I wrote at the end of April that I’d finished the memoir I’d been working on about my husband’s and my life in Bali and traveling the land of Alzheimer’s. I felt empty and really missed the writing challenge and wondered what would come next.

Well, it turned out not to be finished! I met an extraordinary woman, Vicki Lein, a vivacious writer of songs and books who volunteered to read ‘Piece by Piece’. She had brilliant ideas of what needed to be cut and what needed to be expanded on. And I was thrilled to do the work as she stoked the fire of creativity.

Now I’ve finished the third draft and instead of feeling empty as I did in the Spring, I am excited to have time to pursue other writing avenues, including my new blog called 'Alz World' (www.alzworld-susantereba.blogspot.com). These are stories and discoveries along the Alzheimer trail that I hope will inspire other caregivers of loved ones with this terrible disease.

If you want to be inspired by Vicki, check out her web site:

    http://www.outrageousvisions.com

And as always, the creative process includes new designs for “World on a String’ and gearing up for the shows in Tucson the first two weeks of February. Life is ever full and abundant and I feel such gratitude for that. 

What do you feel grateful for? 

Dream Time

Whatever you can do or dream you can

Begin it!

Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.

                                                                                              -Goethe 

The 2012 Ubud Reader's and Writer's Festival has come and gone. The individual writers, the panels, and the influx of ideas from all over the world were inspirational or thought provoking or both. 

At the 2007 festival, a writer said, "If you want to write, get published anyway you can." He lit a fire. For years I'd dreamed to do a cookbook with one page in English and the facing page in Indonesian. Within a month this writer's words moved me to start 'Food Glorious Food', a recipe column in the Bali Advertiser. I view the column as my dream cookbook - two recipes a month.  

And now at this year's event bloggers stirred my inspiration to start a blog based on twelve years experiences as a caregiver for my husband with Alzheimer's Disease. I've been thinking of doing this for a couple of years but questioned if I had anything to add to the very good blogs already on the web. 

This is another creative outlet plus we caregivers need to read each others stories. It's my hope that 'Alz World' will give added support.

You can check it out at: 

http://alzworld-susantereba.blogspot.com

Driven to create and live my dreams, I hope others will be inspired to live theirs. 

Benediction

I've just returned from the States. It was my first time there in many years during the last-of-peach-season-warmth.  I usually go in the winter for the Tucson Gem and Mineral Show. This time I luxuriated in copious amounts of nectarines, plucots, figs and, of course run-down-your-arm juicy ripe peaches. These are the things I miss living in Bali.

I went to attend a wedding, and because it was still warm, to empty my storage trailer- too cold to deal with in winter. It was time to face what I'd been dreading - the deconstruction of my old life with my soul mate, Bob, now living deep in the state of Alzheimer's Disease.

I knew for years that he would never use the three generations of tools stored there, or wear the packed away clothes, or admire my art work that used to mystify him. "How do you come up with these images?" Mr. Plain Vanilla would query with each new painting.

For years I avoided dealing with the inevitable pain that would come with this clearing out. It had niggled at the back of my mind until finally the emotional weight of the objects contained in the trailer tipped the balance and wouldn't leave me in peace.

Found buried in my art drawers were colored pencil drawings that were clearly mine but strangely I had no recollection creating them. Nestled in the pages of their notebook was a card from Bob written in Malaysia in the early 90's.  It said, "I love you and our life together. I'll follow you to islands and places till I drop in my tracks. When I do drop, please don't stop traveling your path. I'm enjoying finding my path, growth, awakening with you. Love, Bob."

It felt like this card was a blessing to move on, to dissolve the old life, knowing the memories of the love we shared would always remain. That love inspires me to do my best to make his life lived behind the curtain of Alzheimer's as comfortable as possible and now with this treasured benediction to sashay down my own path opening to new possibilities.

The Goddesses

The summer has whizzed by here in Ubud with visitors and work being squeezed into a heavy social calendar  Sadly Trudy, who I did the commission for in the last blog entry, lost her husband to a sudden heart attack. She wore the piece for the first time when we scattered his ashes at Mata Hari Beach in Sanur Bali - the only place non Hindu ashes can be scattered.

Trudy lost the love of her life and in the pain of that she found she had a treasure she didn't know she possessed.  That treasure is the Goddesses.  Now you are probably thinking, "Ya airy-fairy Goddesses Oming their way through life."  But we are the Growing Old Disgracefully goddesses, a group of martini drinking women with our feet firmly planted on the ground who meet often to laugh, get silly, and talk about life.  And we are there for each other as Trudy experienced. Cin cin!

Mission Accomplished

On May 8th my Blog entry was about doing a commission but not having a clue how it would manifest.

My client wanted something that would remind her of Bali and also incorporate this specific crystal.  I knew from past experience that an idea would come and I had to resist the urge to panic, the 'what if nothing comes' temptation of the worry-mind.

I hung in  the 'Not Knowing' field for quite awhile until the idea revealed itself and my client agreed to it. It involved a trust built on years of watching how this process works for me.  The emptiness is part of my creative process. I wonder, "How does it work for you?"

This pendent is carved mammoth tusk with sterling silver and quartz crystal.

Fail, Fail, Fail

Wow!

I was privileged to attend the TEDxUbud event on May 24th. at the beautiful Five Elements Resort near Ubud. It was a full day of inspiration and motivation to continue living our dreams or  to begin them.

The speakers were hand picked Indonesians and foreigners working here. There were stories of great darkness lit by a spark that went on to bring the dreamer to bright light. There were stories of love and kindness and all were marked by creativity at their cores.

It motivated me to work on a project I have put aside because I didn't know how to do it. Myshkin Ingawale told us to, "Fail, fail, fail, but fail early," and get it over with, then you can use what you've learned to create what you want. If nothing else we will have learned a lot.

I went to my painting studio today and worked on failure.   I hope to post some photos in "What's New" on my web site when I've turned the failure into a product that 'World on a String" will be proud of. 

Here's to Failure! 

NOW

We are dropping like flies in the expat community here in Ubud, We've lost five in the last two months from old age to cancer to sudden unknown death - autopsies are rare here so we'll never know why Michale just keeled over and left us.

Lou Zeldis' memorial at Linda Garland's estate was a wonderful tribute to him complete with Balinese ceremony to send his soul off in speedy and theatrical fashion. I wondered if he knew how loved and admired he was or how much he will be missed.

These deaths reiterate over and over to live dreams NOW or at least take what steps are necessary to set them into motion and to lavish friends with love and appreciation NOW, before it's time for their memorial.