Benediction

I've just returned from the States. It was my first time there in many years during the last-of-peach-season-warmth.  I usually go in the winter for the Tucson Gem and Mineral Show. This time I luxuriated in copious amounts of nectarines, plucots, figs and, of course run-down-your-arm juicy ripe peaches. These are the things I miss living in Bali.

I went to attend a wedding, and because it was still warm, to empty my storage trailer- too cold to deal with in winter. It was time to face what I'd been dreading - the deconstruction of my old life with my soul mate, Bob, now living deep in the state of Alzheimer's Disease.

I knew for years that he would never use the three generations of tools stored there, or wear the packed away clothes, or admire my art work that used to mystify him. "How do you come up with these images?" Mr. Plain Vanilla would query with each new painting.

For years I avoided dealing with the inevitable pain that would come with this clearing out. It had niggled at the back of my mind until finally the emotional weight of the objects contained in the trailer tipped the balance and wouldn't leave me in peace.

Found buried in my art drawers were colored pencil drawings that were clearly mine but strangely I had no recollection creating them. Nestled in the pages of their notebook was a card from Bob written in Malaysia in the early 90's.  It said, "I love you and our life together. I'll follow you to islands and places till I drop in my tracks. When I do drop, please don't stop traveling your path. I'm enjoying finding my path, growth, awakening with you. Love, Bob."

It felt like this card was a blessing to move on, to dissolve the old life, knowing the memories of the love we shared would always remain. That love inspires me to do my best to make his life lived behind the curtain of Alzheimer's as comfortable as possible and now with this treasured benediction to sashay down my own path opening to new possibilities.